忙
crazy

點解?

我的心啊,你為何憂悶煩躁?

我不喜歡這樣
不喜歡

 
  

 
 
 
  

 
 
 
  

my life here

 
 
 
 

返教會,踏單車上學,見朋友,讀書...就是我在瑞典的生活

夏天的瑞典真的很美麗,拍多幾張先

和朋友一起都會吃很多...所以肥....避免不了,加上大家經常說回香港就會瘦這個謊言...要儆醒儆醒,哈~

今天present自己的paper, 終於完成了很久以前的一個課,老師和同學都很喜歡我的paper,所以很開心啊!內容是講有關移民問題,自我身份認同與宗教的關係...不過自己想問的問題太多,整篇文章的意念雖然新穎,但始終問得不夠窄...寫文章永遠尋找的都是焦點吧...但付出以後看見成果無論怎麼樣也是開心的,哈~跟老師合照,她們真的很好~~瑞典上課是小班制,我們同學只有五個人,每上45分鐘就有休息,大家一起喝咖啡聊一下,之後再繼續...上課那裡進屋要脫鞋,想走進一個家感覺一樣,所以上堂很舒服,department裡面的人的關係也很融洽,像家人朋友一樣.不是有些以前的staff和學生回來探望...當然不是每個department 都是這樣, 但在這裡就很舒服=)學習,應該是一個愉快的過程!

快走了,就趕緊珍惜大家一起的時候.希望走之前能夠與這裡認識的每個朋友都聚一聚吧!!

Today i ate with Rei, he's really a funny person, and nice. We talked about so much thing, from Wudong, religion, chinese characters, psychology things,art, music and many more...It's really nice you have a friend who can talk to you with anything, just anything that you can share your thoughts and opinions towards it, and have fun!and also learn from each other. It's a pity that when some people you meet are nice, but it's just you two feel don't have any more to share. It's lucky if you meet a nice person, and it's nicer to find someone you can talk to with many topics; and it's even nicer to have a friend for both.and Rei is that kind of person you won't be hesitate to share your views with him! I really want him to become a Chrisitian and know about God! (rei if you're reading this, ha~)

Another good friend i meet here is Yanhong and Sofia, both are Christians and it's very encouraging to talk to people who share the same faith as you--you feel you have many things in common to each other even you two are come from so different backgrounds, and to hold on to God and pursue Him together--it's so great!

the group i eat with is Echo and Xiurong and their family. Echo is my dear sister i meet here that i really learn a lot from her...and it's becos of here i learn more aobut Holy Spirit and how should i build my spiritual strength and be close with Holy Spirit...and also her passion in God, even against the hostile opposition, in difficult situation, inspires me. and i'm lucky to know Xiurong's family too, they are a family blessed by God i know. Every family has a story i think, especially Chrisitian family, you'll see how God will guide them in different ways, to grow and also to be a blessing to others. Anyway, we have long way to go in way of following Jesus, long and difficult,but full of joy and blessings.=) 

無言無語 亦無聲音可聽
神的大能卻在世上知曉
日頭冒升 又回歸於出處
神的恩惠 又似日光普照

諸天說述主的榮耀 穹蒼傳頌神大能力
每日每夜發出詩句 讚美全能上帝

神在我身上行了奇妙的事,我如何可以不讚美祂!!

這一切都是祂白白的恩典!

我最近發現原來我以前一直靠自己的力量達到神的標準, 我希望自己成為一個神喜悅的人,卻靠了自己的力量,弄來的是許多的失敗,沮喪和疲累,掙扎...原來神要我學習的是完全完全完全的倚靠祂,仰望祂的慈愛和能力!

我一放手,神就每日不停的工作,改變我的生命,讓我變得不再一樣!
現在我每天過這充滿喜樂的生活,不費一點力氣!原來神的恩典就是那麼大!!

依靠祂,仰賴祂,要知道祂是神!AMEN~!

和散那!奉主名來的是應當稱頌的！那將要來的我祖大衛之國是應當稱頌的！高高在上和散那！

主啊
我要稱頌你 我要不住的讚美你!
你的救恩是如何的完備!
我的不完全 你都為我補足了
我是不足的 我要完全承認
但我不再嘗試用自己的力量做好了 因為這是沒有可能的
只有高舉你 讓你在不完全的我顯出你的榮耀和大能

你是君王,你是主,你是那位已為我釘死的那位
在十字架你充滿榮耀 無人能比
願你的名字永遠被稱頌 永遠被記念!

包餃子

很久之前跟查經班的弟兄姐妹一起包餃子~
 
 
 
  

=)

ho nan ding ar~...wakaka.....

cool!~(my hand pen also, ha~)

i took this ga, Cool, isn't it?

brenda took this for me, haha...

wan ye ar...haha....

look at the crowd behind...uppsala has never ever so much ppl in the street~!

me,Eric and Daniel

wa!~

me and wendy

rebecca, me and pinky(with jessica behind~)

we and Arijeta

hk ppl and mainland students, mainly from Tongji and Fudan

the hk exchange students in Uppsala and Stockholm+1 from milan,ha

looking they are waving the swedish hats!

Carolina Rediviva, main library of UU

in front of the main university building

Ab....ab....

River Race-Fyris

Valborg-champagne breakfast

a pic took outside a Swedish home, in their garden

Summer in Sweden, way to Livets Ord

a street i pass every day to school

this is a photo i take while i was cycling in uppsala

話咁快就五月了,走的日子很快就到
很多人六月頭就走了
這陣子踏單車的時候也多看風景一會兒,還拍了一些照片.
瑞典真是一個很美麗的地方

我也快回來了
回來的時候是怎麼樣呢?仿如隔世,還是像發了一場夢?

怎樣也好,我知道我很快就會適應香港的生活=)

這是我剩下來日子的計劃

25-29/5 Uppsala港旅行團: 去挪威,丹麥
1-3/6 考試
5-10/6 冰島
13-21/6 以色列
中間未定, 但可能去Austria, Switzerland and Germany
17/7-23/7 北歐華人夏令會
23-31/7 Livets Ord Conference

所有時間都係tub tub hum...其實每個日子都是神安排的,出來就剛剛好,感謝祂~

To my sister:心心

My Sister Is...
someone who helps me find my smile.
Who accepts me for what I am.
who lets me know that my efforts
really are worthwhile, and that
my accomplishments are worthy ones.
She lets me know that she will
catch me if I fall. She's so much
more wonderful than she will admit
to being. She watches out for me
and helps me through it all...

My Sister Is...
someone I'm very
proud to be related to.
Having her as such a special
part of my family has given me
memories that I wouldn't trade for
anything and hopes that I'll have for
when the two of us are far away from
each other,our thoughts will make sure
we stay together.

My Sister Is...
a person who is great to have around.
She's someone who laughs at my jokes
(maybe because she has the same warped
sense of humor!) and she understands
the times when I need a shoulder to cry
on. She is there for me in the exact
same way that I will always be there
for her. Our friendship will always
remain, and our love will never depart.

My Sister...
deserves to know that even though I
don't always get a chance to show it,
she is absolutely essential to the
happiness... that lives within my heart.

打電話返去本來想唱首生日歌俾阿心聽,點知變左佢彈盧永亨首<<尋著你的那天>>俾我聽~
佢進步左好多,好為佢開心呀~!努力~~等住返黎一起同你夾~

佢聽日考埋中lit,同下個星期24/5英lit 就KO左個會考啦~~
之後同同學去台灣睇五月天,玩得開心Dla
會keep住為你祈禱,love you~!

尋著你的那天
傳說人生只不過是個夢：無方向、無意義、沒內容；
貧窮或富足，結局都一樣相同，如炊煙飄散埋在糞土中！

茫茫人海找一快樂美夢：無傷痛、無怨恨、沒淚容；
流浪在世間，試圖找絢爛彩虹，但千山走遍仍未見影蹤…

直到一天我在塵世尋著你，徬徨空虛悄然消失遠飛；
與你偶遇原是我畢生的福氣，如黑夜盡頭重現晨曦…
在那一天我在塵世尋著你，從前孤單我從此不記起；
你賜盼望、承諾這愛永沒盡期，灰色人生變成絕美！

到世界盡頭唯願我始終毋忘記：驚喜人生乃來自你！

黎到呢度無詩歌聽,我搵左個方法,就係自己錄音俾自己聽,哈~

星期一學生聚會, 感恩,雖然之前一天Valborg大家一定很累了,但最後總共有十個人來到,之前真的很擔心~~今次的題目是豐盛的人生,一些遊戲,一些分享,最後Jimmy為我們做了肉碎膜(內地很普遍的菜,用餅夾炒好的肉碎與洋蔥,好味!)和少芬的咖哩雞作結~~

之後一個星期就是去上課,找reading那樣
與Izumi,Frida 同一科,很開心啊,很久沒有見到她們了~
星期二與Izumi和一位波蘭新認識的朋友在Fugu吃飯,她們都很喜歡那裡的東西,我們談了很多問題,有關歷史的,二戰的,很多很多...波蘭是一個由歷史所包圍的國家,歷史就是她的命運,所以要波瀾人放棄這個歷史的包袱也不容易...我們一直談到晚飯的菜也出來了...有炸雲吞!!!!WA~~~~~Oishi!~

提到我之前在這裡打工的餐館不得不提這裡的廚師,傳說彭定康走之前在山頂餐廳那碟海鮮炒飯是他做的....厲害厲害~~

星期日查經班弟兄姐妹一期去探訪stockholm華人教會, 很久沒有聽廣東話講道了,而且stockholm教會更是廣東話主流tim~中午老闆請飲茶,是我這年第一次飲茶,有牛肉,蝦餃,蝦腸,鳳爪,蛋撻,炸香芋...間直感動~~~~~(這裡飲茶很貴很貴~你們在香港實在要珍惜!)

食飽飽之後,自己去了書店打書釘,由於最近減價,很罕有地買書,(因為平,而且這些書想買很久了,也值得收藏,就一次過買了)

<> 的autobiography Roy jenkins
"A Tale of Love and Darkness" Amos Oz 一個猶太作家寫他父母的愛情故事,當中夾雜了一些猶太歷史(可能第時我又寫返本,哈)
<> 一個美國學者(曾任安南顧問)最近提出透過富有國家的主動緩助和政策安排消滅現代貧窮問題並非不可能的事
<> Rudolph W. Giuliani 這本你們應該聽過了,米係911個個紐約市長寫個本~記得個時Edmond睇緊,唔知我會唔會睇得完??

買了是一回事,有沒有看,看不看得完,是另一回事

相信這是我會新加的禱告事項, 哈~~~~~

之前Ally,Sierra,Jessica 去了pineapple's sea(菠蘿的海),和Kevin,Wendy,Winnie,Rebecca 看了Nana和太陽旗飄揚,希望之後有機會分享下看後感~

回來第二天就Easter dinner...查經班印象中是第一次領聖餐,今次認識來了兩位新人呢...

19/4-21/4小燕來玩北歐和探我,看見她實在很高興!!!之後和她到Stockholm玩, 住在阿芳,一位查經班認識的姐妹家裡,謝謝她啊!夜晚到了肥倫那邊吃飯,非常豐富的晚餐!!還有Brenda的杏仁蛋糕和肥倫Daniel西班牙買的Sangria 和雪糕,美味!

22/4 很趕的送小燕上vikingline 的晚上回來是Chinese Night,由中國同學會同學舉辦,有書法表演和太極...又是影相的時候啦...不過外國人對太極的興趣好像不是太大...??遇到Wendy和她很漂亮的朋友,其他..原來只有kevin黎ja...之後我們又和外國人玩killer,自從來到這裡幾乎每次跟他們玩也是killer

這裡要說說外國人現在學普通話和中文熱潮, 現在由於CHINA THREAT的言論太多,歐洲現在極多人學中文,要緊的是他們說得很好!!!很多人學了一兩年,然後到北京exchange/研究一年半年,間單對話已盡完全meiwenti(沒問題),香港同胞們,仍須努力啊~~~(上次有一個非洲人車上對我說普通話,嚇了我一跳)

不夠一星期24/4開始另一個course,是Balkan States的種族屠殺,選這課一來實在沒有其他好的可選了,二來上次聽了Bosnia那家人的所見所聞,想知多些究竟那幾年發生了什麼事情,自己對東歐,中東的情況只知道那邊常常打仗,死了很多人...但..為什麼?

來到瑞典,除了福利制度是當地特色,關注和平問題也是這裡的重要議題. 這裡有自己Multiethnic Research Centre,Peace and Conflicts Research,只有少數大學會為這類學科開辦自己的學系.由上學期的Nation Movie Night 看了Hotel Rwanda,聽了Albania和Bosnia學生的熱烈爭辯,對面corridor是Albania移民(她的祖父母在家鄉失蹤了),上一個course做瑞典移民問題訪問了一個瑞典長大的伊朗人回教徒,不知不覺自己好像踏入了這個以前的未知之地...

27-29/4 跟Jimmy他們大夥兒8個人去Helsinki,芬蘭首都,但其實沒有什麼好看,只不過在鄰國exchange好歹也來一下吧...來回船票由於還不是旺季,只是35kr(=HK$35)

29/4回來就和Brenda,肥倫同Daniel去Stigtuna,玩了一日,影了一日相,哈,頗專業ga~
晚上到少芬和吳雄宇家談一下星期一聚會的事兒..也很累了

但這只是開始吧...因為30/4Valborg漂流節才是重點

這是UPPSALA全年最大最大最大的節日,整個瑞典慶祝春天的來臨,但要算UPPSALA的慶祝最龐大,Stockholm的學生那天來的巴士, 人們多到要坐在地上(巴士裡)過來趁熱鬧...

Jay過來"過節",清晨要去接他,但自己睡著了,累他等了很久,不好意思啊...

最後我們只睡了兩小時,因為第二天早上八點就正式開始了...

首先是Champagne Breakfast,瑞典人習慣這天早餐喝champagne和吃strawberries, 早餐後我們出去看船的漂流比賽..不同的隊伍會用發泡膠和木造的船,把船裝扮一下,在UPPSALA的Fyris river漂流(雖然最後多數落水,哈)這天還有飛機飛行表演~所有冬天躲在家裡的人都會出來,坐在草地上,街邊,岸邊都是人,曬太陽,野餐等等. 平時寧靜的街道今天就人頭湧湧,大家為了這天都很興奮,我覺得人還是喜歡熱鬧的吧?=)

不過街上中午已經看見有人飲醉了,這天晚上出街真的要小心,不過幸好我們一大班人一起就較安全

中午我們和一班越南人picnic,雖然最後也沒有什麼去認識他們...

這裡要提一下原來很多馬來西亞,越南那邊很多的華僑是講廣東話的!!原來廣東話在海外也真普遍,原來廣東香港曾經30年代和60 年代各有移民潮,以致當地老一輩,和40-50歲的廣東移民特別多,無線劇集也特別流行,哈

下午3點,UPPSALA 大學校長會在University Main Building 上宣佈春天的來臨,各個瑞典學生會帶著每個瑞典學生中學畢業的經典瑞典帽---黃藍白色的水手帽. 他們應該在校長搖鈴之後一起拋帽子,跑下去跳下河...不過今年有點混亂....

我們下午BBQ,晚上去了Student Pub

就這樣好像打仗般的Valborg 過去了

雖然已經很久,但簡報一下最近的近況啦,這要由三月的義大利之旅說起...

14/3-16/3 Rome
17/3-19/3 Rome->Florence
20/3 Florence->Pisa-> Florence 出名水印紙印刷,非常非常昂貴...
21/3 St. Marino 義大利'裡面'的一個國家,全國有4400人口...但不要小看他們,和一位瓷器店老闆談到他到過上海和日本工作,而且常到東亞,印度旅行,別人的視野不比其他大國之下,而且他們能夠在意國裡面建立自己的republic,並不是容易的事情,他們的總統,卻是半年選一次,選也選到熟了,但制度卻很公平
22/3-23/3 Venice 義大利最美麗的城市,水鄉, 而Stockholm,瑞典的首都就曾被譽為北歐的威尼斯,
24-27/3 Milan

在米蘭Jay那裡看<<燦爛人生>>(The Best of Youth),講述兩個充滿理想的兩兄弟,在暑假旅行中碰見一個患有精神病女孩,自此他們的命運因此而改變了,本來讀文學的弟弟走去當警察,原來讀外科醫學的哥哥立志做一個精神科醫生, 在義大利60s到現在2002年的歷史背景下發生的事, 當中有描述義大利六七十年代官員貪污,佛羅倫斯的水災,西西里的黑手黨,也可以看到義大利平民生活的不同面貌和心態. 六個小時的戲,一次過看可能真的有點辛苦,但一點也不悶!講人性的戲是最好看的,裡面一邊看會令你想很多事情,所謂人生如戲,不同的主角他們的性格導致他們不同的命運,不同的際遇,不同人性的展現,無論的勇氣,軟弱,堅強,害怕,面對,人生的角色的所得所取, 人面對境遇帶來的熬煉與挑戰,會怎麼做? 跌倒,重新面對,逃避,離開?

義大利的演員感覺上較有深度...?演來很細緻,很吸引,很悲傷,很感動,看完有久久不能放下的感覺,看完之後和Kenneth談了一會,大家對主角的抉擇都有不同的看法...原來同一件事情發生,發生的原因,我們對主角的感受的詮釋也會不同...這樣讓觀眾有空間去想像,討論,對照之後更覺得導演講故事的手法一流!真正的人生不就是這樣嗎?有時事情未必有對與錯的分別,只是觀點與角度不同,想法不同的差錯做出來的後果吧, 你認為是這樣,我認為是那樣,但事實可能兩樣都不全對; 時間上,空間上的差錯,不同的抉擇決定的結局,編織出來,就是一個又一個的故事了

希望將來再由機會再看一遍

之後開始東歐之旅,第一日,由訓火車站開始...

Slovenia
27/3 Bled 湖心教堂
28/3 Posttojna Cave 鐘乳石洞
29/3 Piran 我們最喜歡的國家是Slovenia,裡面最喜歡的就是Piran,一去到渡假的感覺就來了...在北歐久違的陽光與海洋!
30/3 Piran-> Pula

Croatia
31/3 Split-> Dubrovnik 遇到很好的一家人(七口),民宿,給我們講Bosnia歷史(他們從Bosnia逃難過來),煮土耳其咖啡我們喝,早餐時請我們飲當地的烈酒(盛情不能推卻啊!),臨走有地道風味炸魚和照顧,很開心也感動,最後我們給他們送了一張香港postcard為念
2/4 night train->Zagrab 國家公園:十六湖大瀑布
行山日,但風景如畫,間直有置身於calender的感覺(哈),顧名思義,整個國家公園由十六個湖與大小不同的瀑布組成,山徑蜿蜒圍繞湖邊而行,層層推上,中間須乘坐船過湖.走了一整天雖然鞋也走破了,但兩個字:值得!

Slovakia
3/4 Bratislava 羊芝士,dumplings,由於東歐國家比較便宜的關係,這餐吃得很滿足! 這裡國家的人很熱情,有一對情侶知道我們要找市中心,幫我們找車帶路不特止,還給我們買票,說當是歡迎我們旅遊他們國家的禮物,實在很好人啊!

Hungary
4/4 Eger 酒莊(可以免費試不同的紅酒,而這裡最出名的是牛血酒,因為顏色深紅褐色的關係)傳說有次為了嚇走給攻擊這村莊的敵人,說士兵開戰前喝牛血壯膽,以示誓師的決心,結果真的把敵人嚇走了,整個村莊安全無恙,於是這種酒就被紀念,成為這村莊的特產

5/4 Budapest 遇上百年一遇的大水災,鍊子橋的燈也熄了,他們竟然話布達佩斯唔靚,實在太可惡了...算啦,可能因為未到春夏天,到時會靚好多好多~~~~

Austria
6/4-9/4 Vienna
這裡不得不說我的大收穫:
6/4 Vienna Opera House(Wiener Staatsper)!!!!!!: AIDA!!!!
7/4 Vienna Philharmonica Orchestra
Mozart Symphony No. 39,40,41
8/4 聽了一個Baritone,問那裡音樂廳的staff介紹的,他說是世界知名(呢方面我實在唔係好知勒)亦都唔記得名字...哈,有女生對唱,但我覺得最厲害係個指揮,又指又彈琴同recorder...最好唱埋一份啦不如...哈..但水準真的不錯,不錯, good!
9/4 Vienna Boy's Choir!!! Claudio Monteverdi

Opera,Ochestra,Solo, Choir...一次過完成四個願望,都可說無憾了...而且大多Standing Ticket,只是2 EURO!!!!(=HK$20)baritone座位也不過11歐,在這些世界級的音樂廳聽這些世界級的表演,這個價錢實在係超-------抵!我侧近個個座位就要成95Euro,我唔怕企ga,最緊要有得聽,那裡的觀眾都聽得專業,一來霸位專業....哈..因為睇Opera 企位係要用絲巾霸位,去到的時候你以為無Mud人,(正!)但有好多絲巾,後來你發覺原其實你已經無容身的地方了...而來看見一位婆婆,雖然她好惡咁同我講無位,但係佢聽AIDA係帶譜組逐頁聽ga,所以...我都好尊敬佢(不過後來又發現佢早走wor...???)

所以下次去Vienna聽opera,除了要帶飛同埋對耳仔之外,記得要帶絲巾啦~~~~~這個霸位方法雖然未見太公平,但...入鄉就隨俗ba

祂是喜樂的泉源

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 27)

神定意要祝福我們,只是我們投放多少時間在於祂建立關係裡面?我們有多喜樂,在每次與祂的遇見?祂定意在我們的生命行奇妙又奇妙的事情, 但如果我們只看見環境的限制而不思想祂的能力;如果我們只會埋怨情況多麼糟糕而不會為到生活裡面的所得感恩;如果我們的思想注重罪孽而不思想祂的聖潔;如果我們在可尋找祂的時間尋找祂,沒有在需要的時候求告祂,怎能享受與祂同行的喜樂與得勝,怎能體會祂對我們的關懷與扶持,怎能懂得敬畏祂的能力,怎能愛祂,敬祂?
恐怕我們得了永生禮物, 卻仍然活在生活的種種不需要的捆綁, 未有得著祂的應許,小有信心...


這不是祂的設計,不是祂的原意!

把你的願望交託給祂,全心的相信祂的能力與幫助,等待,祈求,感恩,你會看見---
祂真的是神

這不是講題的內容, 但是我今天想跟你分享的事情=)

今天早上去了Livets Ord,Spring Seminar 今天開始了,連續4日,題目是聖靈

去到的時候才發覺整個conference 要220kr(預先報名120kr)心裡立刻疑惑, 福音不是免費的嗎?

但因為之前Jane提醒我要去,就去了

要給錢心裡自然不大願意

但後來和身邊的人談起,她是從波蘭專程這五天來的!
原來世界各地的人這五天專程坐飛機來瑞典就為了聽這個conference,她們的教會就有40人請假來
看來我自己踏單車過來那220kr就算不得什麼了

也發覺原來自己付錢了,會特別專心聽
當然我不贊成講道要付錢, 不過反省自己的心態,每個星期有美好的道聽,去思想去學習,實在是上帝的恩典,怎麼我們沒有好好珍惜呢?難道真的要付費聽道,我們的耳朵才會聳起嗎?

愛. 回家

可能我寫得太嚴重,令媽咪有點擔心了, 唔好意思呀
其實我現在的生活好好, 好開心, 好滿足,只不過, 想再好D,哈
因為我沒有時間upload D相,其實我在這裡的生活挺充實的
努力改善生活, 其實是努力改善自己的過程嘛
當然我也會享受這裡的生活
也會努力讀書~~雖然我有時係lum多左, 但好多時候,可能係得個講字,事實上我一點也不擔心,因為我知道就算我改變不了,神要修剪我都無計ga~所以我知道神會不斷在我身上工作,我就不理了=)

所以,真的不用擔心我

雖然小燕我常常會令身邊的人擔心不已

唔係o掛?唔好咁啦~~O_o

我想身邊的人因為我而快樂,而唔係負擔!:p

現在定了回香港的日子:
31/7 11:45am 到香港機場 TG600B

我已經接受了自己忙碌的生活,因為這是我的選擇啊!I want to make the most of my life!!我不要後悔!!!如果我無野做我會唔開心ga~我想每一刻都是有意義的,每一刻我都會體驗到我的生命一點點,體會到我愛你們多一點點,體會到神的愛多一點點,學多D野,識唔同的人,聽他們的故事,體驗他們的生活和心態,找尋一個自己喜歡又滿足的生活方式,活在神給的自由裡,打擊撒旦在人心裡的營壘,攻佔牠的領土,與神和其他弟兄姐妹一齊打那美好的仗!!

Ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ，ｍｏｍ～

Why i come to Sweden?

i explained in my diary that in hk, my life is so busy that i nearly feel myself to be teared apart, i feel uncontrollable, always tired and my body is weak that i just want to stop the whole situation, 'STOP!!!'

i need time and space to 'resettle' myself, and think seriously about what kind of life i want to pursue and what should i do, next.

Before i came to Sweden, i spent sometimes writing several questions that i want to find the answer in this year. In the first half year,i spent much time, thinking, just thinking, (yes sit down before the desk, with my pen in hand, writing writing and writing, thinking thinking and thinking), about these questions.

My most important goal to go to Sweden, actually is not travelling around,not experiencing the Sweden life,not making friends with people here(though these are important)but I knew that, clearly what i only should have done is to spend time with God and to find the answers of these questions. I brought the questions to Sweden, and i want to bring the answers back.

why am i so busy all the time and seems get nothing done?

Firstly, i find it's a 'norm' of Hong Kong people that they want to get many many things done in a very short time, which they called it 'efficiency'. This working style, however, will make one feel exhausted all the time, no time to enjoy and appreciate what they are doing, always feeling 'not enough' and with the equality of work not promising. Then i have the conclusion that 'Busy', is just a way to lower efficiency.

Then I found that i'm actually a lazy person. Want to escape from duties, want to escape from hardwork, and use most of the time finding shortcuts. but then i find that the time used to find shortcut, is almost the same needed to work, it's just i need to pursuade myself, i need to work.

Behind this norm is self-centredness and selfishness,mentally weakness. 'I do not feel i'm going to do it today' 'I don't have the motivation now' 'Let somebody do it for me' It's a compromise to flesh instead of word of God, and also affected by sin.
God creates you to be perfect, holy and complete. Although we are not complete obviously, but with God in His design we are perfect. One day i'm worshipping in Livets Ord, there are two girls standing on the stage to lead the worship. Then suddenly there's a moment that i feel they are so beatiful! And i can see that God loves them so much that in His eyes these two girls are created perfect. Although one girl in our 'world' standard is more 'beautiful' than the other, taller, slimer,attractive appearance with more beautiful clothes etc. However at that moment i don't feel another is of any kind inferior than her, but i just moved by their voice and love to God that they are two lovely persons singing beautifully on the stage. I didn't think about their appearance, what i see is their heart towards God, so pure and sincere, and would move the heart of everyone present. Appearance at that time, is not important anymore.

God make us perfect, not in the way we think, but just He can do it miraculously. We are different in appearances and characters,but it is in every one there's an image of God inside,which is lovely and appreciable. It is through these different human beings that we can see the glory of God and His creativity.

Behind the selfishness, that is a poor-self image working. Why we are selfish and protective, it's because a kind of insecurity we feel inside. We feel vulnerable, that's why we feel we need to protect ourselves. Also we 'think' we are not good, that we do bad things to 'reconfirm' this 'fact'. I found this is one of the biggest lie of Satan make us to believe, and make many people wandering sadly in this thinking struggle, and lose the many promises and good things God prepared for us.

Behind the poor self-image is a lack of love, a lack obedience of God, a lack of reverence to God, recognition of His power and promise,which makes one rely on oneself more than Him.This is because man do not know how actually powerful God is, and do not know how He hated sin. Also man do not know how beautiful the life God has actually prepared for them, that they'd rather believe themselves and use they own way to pursue the goal instead. The outcome is disappointment,failure and frustration. Pride, is another element which make the situation worse, because on one hand man could not notice part of the root of problem is originate from himself/herself, and on the other hand man do not want to hear the advice from God.

But where can we find this source of love and power and strength?

God said that He is LOVE and love is from Him and Him only

So we should start from God

How to know His love?How to experience His love?
The answer is know more about love, which is also to know more about Him

To know more about Him the only way is to study His words and pray to Him, to experience Him, His guidance and grow faith in Him and in His promise and strength, and joy.

The process of find all these 'theories' is a story too long that i could not write them all here,but one or a few i hope you would find it worth a read. The only conclusion i have is:

Start from today, read the Bible.

Suixiang 2

"It [grace] has trained us to reject and renounce all ungodliness (irreligion) and worldly (passionate) desires, to live discreet (temperate, self-controlled), upright, devout (spiritually whole) lives in this present world."
(Titus 2:12, Amp)

I need to write something. I need to.

Now i'm in the library, just finish the last lesson of a course i wanted to take so much. I didn't take it,finally, but i sit in for all the lessons and read through most of the readings. Why didn't i take it? That's an interesting question.

In life there are so many situations that when you look back, you just don't understand why you made that decision at that very critical moment. At that time i struggle for so long time should i take that course, analyse the advantages and disadvantages, i made a decision and sweared that i won't change it. I thought i cannot make it, i gave myself many excuses like: the reading are too much, the workload is too heavy, there are some dates clash my travel etc...but finally it turns out that no problem actually is a problem.

It's interesting that at this moment i think maybe i did a wrong decision. However, when i read through my own diary, there are some points i missed that i found that there ARE reasons why i made that decision. And now i'm grateful that what i've done. I was quite unhappy for sometime i didn't take the course, cos i missed the opportunity to improve my writing and analytical skill and to be commented by the professor, who is the best professor i've ever met. But any way i have more time to travel, more time to do other things and if i took that course things could not been happen in that way maybe. There is always a trade-off, and it always depends what you value the most. The most important thing is that do you what exactly you want and you need, but not by others telling you, which i found is the most stupid thing in the world. I always found that i would regret, if i obeyed the world, but had refuse the calling, the voice in my heart telling me what i should or shoudl not do.

In these days, so many things had happend and i learnt a lot. It's quite difficult to write them all explicitly now, just every day i feel God gives me different kind of tests to me, large and small, to explore more weaknesses i have, in my personality and character, but also more confident of what i already have and His promise to me. It a hard struggle and fierce fight, which happens, mostly however, between the old and new me, the poor self-image and the new growing one, and voice of accusation and encouragement and hope. It's tough and harsh with all growing pain and uneasiness, but luckily i survived through it(at least at the moment). Of course i know this is a process which will probably going on for the years after, now i learn to make myself used to it and to be more open to it. And for one thing i know that God is with me, helping me and guiding me, even how imperfect i am he is besides me and support me. With my family and friends and brothers and sisters, i'm never alone.

I want to get things done, and done well.