Why i come to Sweden?

i explained in my diary that in hk, my life is so busy that i nearly feel myself to be teared apart, i feel uncontrollable, always tired and my body is weak that i just want to stop the whole situation, 'STOP!!!'

i need time and space to 'resettle' myself, and think seriously about what kind of life i want to pursue and what should i do, next.

Before i came to Sweden, i spent sometimes writing several questions that i want to find the answer in this year. In the first half year,i spent much time, thinking, just thinking, (yes sit down before the desk, with my pen in hand, writing writing and writing, thinking thinking and thinking), about these questions.

My most important goal to go to Sweden, actually is not travelling around,not experiencing the Sweden life,not making friends with people here(though these are important)but I knew that, clearly what i only should have done is to spend time with God and to find the answers of these questions. I brought the questions to Sweden, and i want to bring the answers back.

why am i so busy all the time and seems get nothing done?

Firstly, i find it's a 'norm' of Hong Kong people that they want to get many many things done in a very short time, which they called it 'efficiency'. This working style, however, will make one feel exhausted all the time, no time to enjoy and appreciate what they are doing, always feeling 'not enough' and with the equality of work not promising. Then i have the conclusion that 'Busy', is just a way to lower efficiency.

Then I found that i'm actually a lazy person. Want to escape from duties, want to escape from hardwork, and use most of the time finding shortcuts. but then i find that the time used to find shortcut, is almost the same needed to work, it's just i need to pursuade myself, i need to work.

Behind this norm is self-centredness and selfishness,mentally weakness. 'I do not feel i'm going to do it today' 'I don't have the motivation now' 'Let somebody do it for me' It's a compromise to flesh instead of word of God, and also affected by sin.
God creates you to be perfect, holy and complete. Although we are not complete obviously, but with God in His design we are perfect. One day i'm worshipping in Livets Ord, there are two girls standing on the stage to lead the worship. Then suddenly there's a moment that i feel they are so beatiful! And i can see that God loves them so much that in His eyes these two girls are created perfect. Although one girl in our 'world' standard is more 'beautiful' than the other, taller, slimer,attractive appearance with more beautiful clothes etc. However at that moment i don't feel another is of any kind inferior than her, but i just moved by their voice and love to God that they are two lovely persons singing beautifully on the stage. I didn't think about their appearance, what i see is their heart towards God, so pure and sincere, and would move the heart of everyone present. Appearance at that time, is not important anymore.

God make us perfect, not in the way we think, but just He can do it miraculously. We are different in appearances and characters,but it is in every one there's an image of God inside,which is lovely and appreciable. It is through these different human beings that we can see the glory of God and His creativity.

Behind the selfishness, that is a poor-self image working. Why we are selfish and protective, it's because a kind of insecurity we feel inside. We feel vulnerable, that's why we feel we need to protect ourselves. Also we 'think' we are not good, that we do bad things to 'reconfirm' this 'fact'. I found this is one of the biggest lie of Satan make us to believe, and make many people wandering sadly in this thinking struggle, and lose the many promises and good things God prepared for us.

Behind the poor self-image is a lack of love, a lack obedience of God, a lack of reverence to God, recognition of His power and promise,which makes one rely on oneself more than Him.This is because man do not know how actually powerful God is, and do not know how He hated sin. Also man do not know how beautiful the life God has actually prepared for them, that they'd rather believe themselves and use they own way to pursue the goal instead. The outcome is disappointment,failure and frustration. Pride, is another element which make the situation worse, because on one hand man could not notice part of the root of problem is originate from himself/herself, and on the other hand man do not want to hear the advice from God.

But where can we find this source of love and power and strength?

God said that He is LOVE and love is from Him and Him only

So we should start from God

How to know His love?How to experience His love?
The answer is know more about love, which is also to know more about Him

To know more about Him the only way is to study His words and pray to Him, to experience Him, His guidance and grow faith in Him and in His promise and strength, and joy.

The process of find all these 'theories' is a story too long that i could not write them all here,but one or a few i hope you would find it worth a read. The only conclusion i have is:

Start from today, read the Bible.